Without the comforts of school, a traditional work setting, and living in the middle of nowhere, Paige and I found it very difficult to make friends. As a result, our first 6-7 months was a very isolating experience. The community of priests and the other Tobar Mhuire employees are amazing, but there is something really important about spending time with people in your own age group. Of course, Paige and I had a lot of fun together, and I am so grateful for her company and friendship. Despite all of our ukulele nights, we both craved more social settings. Once Paige went back home and it became clear that Kate, my new amazing co-worker and fellow BC alum, was not going to be over until November, I had to take this whole "friend-making" thing to a new level.
So, if you ever find yourself in a new place and are having a hard time making friends, here are some tips!
The most important thing about making friends is being bold. I hate being in social situations where I do not know anyone. It is so scary (Who am I going to talk to?), so awkward (What do I say?!?), and so stressful (I hope people like me!). I typically try to avoid these situations like the plague. But, you are never going to make friends if you do not put yourself out there. So, be bold. Take a few deep breaths, and then just do it. This is a instance where the pain is definitely worth the gain.
1.) Find a Church with an active young adult ministry. This is a lesson that Paige taught me! Paige tried out a number of different Protestant churches until she found the Christian Fellowship Church (CFC) in Belfast. She told me there were lots of young people and that they give you free coffee. I was sold. We liked to go to the more informal cafe Church. It was great because it gave us a reason to get out of the house, we got to be around lots of lively people who took their faith seriously, and it encouraged us to stay in the city and enjoy an afternoon in Belfast!
2.) Join a young adult faith sharing group. This is a great way to get to know people very quickly, and it combines a social setting with some structure! Paige and I joined a young adult small group hosted by CFC. While Paige only got to attend a few meetings, I've been a regular member and Kate has jumped right into the group! The social aspect is nice, but as a person of faith it is strengthening and refreshing to be surrounded and supported by other young people who take their faith seriously. It has also been a really unique experience because I'm a Catholic. I never felt uncomfortable about being Catholic, people will often ask me questions about what Catholics think, and I get to learn about their ideas and beliefs. yay...we love being ecumenical! Some people spend their whole week waiting on Friday, well for me its Tuesday! I love everyone in my small group and am sooo grateful that they are in my life!
3.) Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth. When you are looking for friends, be grateful for any opportunity you get. The first two friends that Paige and I made were two people that Fr. John wanted us to contact about helping with the music at Tobar Mhuire. We had no idea who these two people (sisters) where when we called them to set up a meeting. But, they turned out to be the most awesome people ever! I am so grateful for Caoimhe and Sinead and how much they went out of their way to be welcoming and friends with us! xxxxx, or as Davina would say kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. I also had the chance to spend time with the two Passionist Students, Frank and Gareth. And I am happy to call them friends...especially because they live in London.
4.) Learn a Language. Once Paige left me (sad day!) I had lots of time on my hands, so I asked a friend of Fr. John to give me Irish lessons. While I mostly had informal lessons with Kevin, it was still an opportunity to get out of the house, be with another human being, and I formed a really special relationship with Kevin. While I was trying to make friends once Paige left, I still had a lot of evenings at home by myself. Instead of watching TV all the time, I started practicing my Irish. Kevin was kind enough to give me lessons for free, but he also teaches Irish for a few Irish culture centres in Belfast and for Sinn Féin sponsored courses...needless to say, he is very involved in the Irish language/culture scene. Kevin often invited me to different events at the Irish centres and he even got me onto a Sinn Féin sponsored weekend course! All of which were great ways to meet people and socialize. I really hope that I end up near an Irish culture centre in the States so I can use tip 4 in my future friend-making pursuits! To find out more about how much I love the Irish language read my post "For the Love of the Language."
5.) Be creative. There are many ways to meet people...but they just don't always jump out at you. No matter where you are there are bound to be people who have similar interests as you, the trick is finding them. So, I'm an American living outside of Belfast. As the 4th of July was approaching, I began to think to myself, "I can't be the only American in the area". I emailed the US consulate asking if they knew of any Americans who would be celebrating this fine holiday. They put me in touch with the "Ulster American Women's Club." Yes, there is a whole group of American women living in Ulster who get together once a month! AMAZING! I went to the 4th of July BBQ and also the Thanksgiving Party and I'm part of the facebook group. It is always great to meet up with the ladies because they all know what it's like to be in a new place and really go out of their way to make you feel welcome!
6.) Take up a sport. Joining a sports team is great so many reasons. The top two being it's good exercise and it's a good way to make friends. This is especially good for people who are overwhelmed by small talk because most the time you are running drills! One night I was watching the local news and they ran a special on a women's rugby development team in Belfast. The thing about a development team is that it's a new team and therefore you do not need to have any experience. So, after a little Google searching I found the Malone RFC, got in touch with the women's coach, and thus began my membership to a rugby team! CRAZYYY! And it truly was a great way to make friends. The ladies and coaches are total class! Beside the practices and games there is a social side of rugby. The team would often meet up to watch the Ulster team or the other Malone teams play and there is a bar right in the clubhouse! How convenient!
I did all of these things and I did most of them by myself. It was a lot of effort and I was in a lot of uncomfortable situations at first. But, it was 100% worth it. I now have friends! And it's an amazing feeling. I am so much happier than my "pre-friend time". I feel more connected to the area. I have learned lots of new things. And, I have more confidence. The only downside is that having so many amazing people in my life will just make the leaving harder. :(
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